how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
