The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
