Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
