i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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