I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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