My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
