I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
