I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love you. Go after that dick
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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