Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
