is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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