i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
