I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
