he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
