I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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