so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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