Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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