you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
