You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
