Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
