I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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