Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
