I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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