what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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