Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
