Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
