he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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