Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
