I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
