I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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