I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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