I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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