Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
