I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
