Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I skipped work to stalk him.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
