he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
