There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
