After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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