So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
