I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
