My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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