You really coming over, don't trick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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