He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh god it's open bar.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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