Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
