party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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