I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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