I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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