I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
