My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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