after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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