I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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