Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
