fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
