Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
