so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
