there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
