Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
