I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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