he shaved USA in his pubs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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