okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
