Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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