You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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