My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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