is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
