i permit you to call me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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