I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
