And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
