remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
