he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
