Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The best revenge is premature balding
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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