first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I love you.
Bad choice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
