1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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