i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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