I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.