no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?