Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
