I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.