Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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