she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
