I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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