Pappa wants mamma naked
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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