Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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