at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
