I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
